The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Yesterday I realized I could take salad dressing to work in those bottles made for traveling with shampoo. I am a genius
— Elise Foley (@elisefoley) December 6, 2016
What do you mean Kevin Hart is famous for being a comedian and not for being the first black elf
— 🗣❤️ (@jodecicry) December 5, 2016
Drake got nominated for album of the year and Rihanna didn’t. 2016 full of injustice and tragedy.
— Lauren Chanel Allen (@MichelleHux) December 6, 2016
Gummi vitamins are just desperation snacks
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) December 6, 2016
My favorite cruel act is referring to Game of Thrones as “Throne Games” in convos with men, having them correct me, then continue saying it.
— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) December 6, 2016
get u a friend who will go through a stranger’s complete social media and internet history with u
— Polly Mosendz (@polly) December 7, 2016
You know it’s bad when you’re too depressed to even pretend your life is perfect on Instagram
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 7, 2016
Mom: “And the men demanded that the women have the babies no matter what.”
Daughter: “In olden times?”
Mom: “No, honey. That was yesterday.”
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) December 8, 2016
Apparently Tang and cough syrup “isn’t considered punch” and is “inappropriate” for the office holiday party
— Angela Wheezy (@CarpeAngela) December 8, 2016
My mantra used to be “Party like it’s 1999” but now it’s “Pretend it’s 1999.”
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) December 8, 2016
“That’s a Nazi.”
*Nazi puts on fedora*
“That’s an international alt-right man of mystery.”
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) December 4, 2016
I’ve decided to kill two birds with one stone and just put Christmas lights on the vacuum that’s been in the living room for a week.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 8, 2016
does donald trump know he is staff at the white house not freelance
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) December 8, 2016
I’m allowed to love one dumb person and guess what guys it’s gonna be me
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) December 7, 2016
your news so fake it complimented my shoes without looking at them
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) December 9, 2016
If anything ever happens to me, please tell everyone that I hate James Franco.
— Monica Ann (@Monicann86) December 9, 2016
*trump is person of the year, abortion basically banned in ohio*
*goes back 2 sleep sets snooze for 2020*
— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) December 7, 2016